


We Don't Have to Have Everything at Once

by two_of_swords



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Blue Sargent/Henry Cheng, Chance Meetings, Fate, M/M, Mention of Past Abuse, New York City
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 16:05:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18641467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/two_of_swords/pseuds/two_of_swords
Summary: Adam Parrish doesn’t believe in fate. Yeah, he may have changed his entire life on a whim once in the checkout lane of a Virginia grocery store, but he works hard for the rest of it: the Ivy League education, the competitive internship, the perennial bank balance and stainless steel apartment in New York City. So why can’t he get the mysterious boy in the raven-crested sweater with the shaved head and the tattoo and the sleek car out of his head? Every time he thinks he’s forgotten him, the stranger appears again and pushes Adam into the next phase of his life. When one chance encounter turns into something more, fate unexpectedly slips through Adam’s fingers. With the help and support of his two closest friends, Blue Sargent and Henry Cheng, Adam is determined to finally unravel the mystery of the man’s identity. He may not believe in fate, but he does believe in love.





	We Don't Have to Have Everything at Once

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for the Raven Cycle Big Bang 2019. Please check out the beautiful fan art for this story by [Jamie](https://jamieism.tumblr.com/post/184522617183/hi-guys-i-participated-in-the) (@jamieism on Tumblr) and [Rachel](https://heartr3nder.tumblr.com/post/184521550000/heres-my-art-for-the-raven-cycle-big-bang-2019) (@heartr3nder on Tumblr)!!! It was so great to work with both of them on this project!

“Tell me that story again?” Henry asks.

 

Adam glances down at the textbook in his lap. A warm spring breeze rustles the pages and he paws at them to get back to the place he last remembers being. “What story?”

 

Henry, having temporarily abandoned his own studies, stretches out along the library steps and turns his face to the sun. “The one about Buzz Cut.”

 

_Wait. What._ Adam backtracks through his thoughts and actions, trying to divine how they could have possibly arrived at this topic of conversation. The first truly nice day of spring and stuffy dorm rooms had driven most of the Columbia University student body outside. Adam had been making steady progress on his exam prep checklist until he dropped his highlighter and it rolled to a stop several steps below at the feet of a tall, handsome upperclassmen with a shaved head. Adam had watched the guy as he picked up the tool and wordlessly handed it back and then had continued to watch his ascent up the steep steps into the library. The change in Adam’s subject of study had apparently not escaped Henry’s notice. _Oh._

 

Adam’s cheeks flush and it’s not because of the sun.

 

He had changed his entire life on a whim once.

 

It hadn’t worked out.

 

Not the way he wanted.

 

But he still remembers that day like it was yesterday: the back of a shaved head, the peaks of a black tattoo poking out of a navy raven-emblazoned sweater, the swipe of a credit card, the cruel laughter as the boy disappeared into the sleek car.

 

Adam was sixteen years old. That was the day he applied to Aglionby Academy and got kicked out of his childhood home.

 

Turns out, the boy didn’t even go to Aglionby Academy anymore by the time Adam got there. Adam would look for the boy in the halls between classes, even as he tried to sneak through the crowd unnoticed, for fear of being branded the new guy or something worse. He glanced furtively around the dining hall before taking a seat at a table in the corner by himself. He listened to gossip, without trying to seem too interested, to see if anyone would slip up and mention the mystery boy when discussing tattoo ideas or general malevolence. The closest Adam came was an offhand comment from a high-strung kid - “you’ll get kicked out like Lynch”. But when Adam checked the most recent yearbook, the only Lynch he found was a handsome boy, with a head full of curly dark hair and perfectly straight teeth, who graduated the year prior. He wished he had gotten a better look at the boys face.

 

He let his only opportunity to make a new friend pass as fast as he could pedal his rusty bike by Richard Campbell Gansey III’s broken down bright orange 1973 Camaro. Adam knew enough about cars from his part time mechanic’s job to stop and help, but he also knew what boys like Gansey could be like and the possibility of cruelty kept Adam away. Boys like Gansey could just as easily afford to call a tow truck.

 

It wasn’t that Adam’s years at Aglionby were bad. They just weren’t what he had imagined that day in the grocery store. Once it became evident that the boy was not going to turn up at Aglionby, Adam put his head down and got to work, determined to turn his whim into a ticket out of Henrietta. But he was never fully able to exorcise the boy with the buzz cut completely from his brain, as much as he wished he could. He didn’t like feeling like he had missed out on something.

 

“Wow. Sounds like fate, Parrish,” Henry says when Adam finishes retelling the story.

 

Adam nudges Henry’s shin with the toe of his shoe. “I don’t believe in fate, Cheng.”

 

“So you check out every guy with a shaved head you see just in case?”

 

“I check out guys because I’m bisexual not because I’m looking for my long lost soulmate. And stop acting like you didn’t check out that guy with the shaved head too.”

 

“I’m subtle about it.”

 

“Oh yeah. Subtle as a heart attack.”

 

Henry laughs. “You need to hire a PI or something. Put yourself out of your misery.”

 

“Sounds like something someone with disposable income would say.”

 

“Not true, not true. The money isn’t technically _coming in_ . The money is _already there_.”

 

Adam groans. “God, why am I even friends with you?”

 

“Forced cohabitation. And because my father runs the largest nanorobotics company in North America and you want an internship there next summer, my ambitious friend.”

 

“I’m a political science major.”

 

“Shit. You’re right. Trade you.”

 

Adam shakes his head and closes his book, stuffing it into his backpack. “You know, if you don’t like engineering, you can change it.”

 

“Speak for yourself,” Henry challenges.

 

Adam doesn’t want to have this conversation with Henry right now. He has it enough inside his own head. He stands quickly. “Come on. Let’s go get some food. I’m starving.” He holds out a hand to Henry, who does little to help Adam haul him to his feet. Then he takes the steps down to the lawn two at a time, knowing that Henry will have to scramble to follow.

 

“Hey,” Henry says, a little breathless when he finally catches up to Adam. “if not a PI, what about a psychic? Don’t you have that friend in the village?”

 

*********

 

Adam does have a friend in the village, but she isn’t psychic.

 

Blue had been Adam’s closest friend in school until her mother followed a boyfriend to New York City and took Blue with her in the middle of their freshman year of high school. The boyfriend set them up in a rent-controlled apartment in Greenwich Village above a tiny shop before returning to his real family in the suburbs. Blue’s mother, Maura, sold loose leaf tea and handmade soap and bundles of sage in the front of the shop, while telling people’s fortunes out of the back. Blue had just turned eighteen when a different man lured Maura west. She refused to go with her mother this time and a couple of days later, her cousin, Orla, arrived from Virginia to assume the position of the shop’s psychic-in-residence.

 

Adam hates to admit it, but he hasn’t been able to get Henry’s idea of visiting Blue’s shop out of his mind for the past two weeks. He doesn’t know if Orla will actually be able to tell him anything new about Buzz Cut, and he certainly isn’t interested in dredging up his past, but possibly she’ll be able to help him get back his focus in time for exams. Maybe with tea or a potion or a ritual or something. He’ll try anything at this point.

 

So now Adam waits on the platform for the 1 train during rush hour like an idiot, growing more certain by the minute that the whole trip is a terrible idea. One of the straps to his backpack broke and he hasn’t been able to afford to replace it yet, so he shrugs his shoulder to keep it from slipping as he boards the packed subway car when it finally arrives. There are no empty seats, so Adam finds a place to stand near the back of the car, and grabs the steel bar with his left hand. He pulls his phone out of the pocket of his jeans and scrolls through his text messages until he finds Blue’s name and types out a one-handed message.

 

_Study group ran late. Be there soon._

 

He hits send and then opens a PDF document from one of his classes and attempts to read. He tries not to pay too much attention to the passengers entering and exiting the train. He’s learned how to tune them out in his short time in the city and typically, he can study anywhere, but today he’s too distracted. His phone buzzes with an incoming text messages.

 

_You better hurry._

_There’s a bachelorette party arriving soon for tarot readings._

 

The train lurches to a stop and Adam nearly loses his balance. Just as he steadies himself, the lights go out.

 

“ _Shit_ ,” Adam mumbles. He types out another message.

 

_Stuck on the subway. No power._

 

Only five minutes pass but it feels like an eternity. The lights come back on and the train starts moving again. When the train slows as it enters the next station, Adam looks up from what he’s trying to read on his phone to check his stop and his heart stutters.

 

It’s him.

 

The shaved head, the cruel smile, the tattoo.

 

Their eyes meet briefly before Buzz Cut steps off the train. Adam moves to follow but he’s boxed in by the other passengers. He pushes past them, his pulse quickening and his breaths coming in short gasps. He gets out the door just before it closes, but he’s lost sight of him. He turns in circles, looking down the terminal at the stairs to the street. He sees Buzz Cut at the top of the stairs and races after him, nearly knocking over an old lady with a walker. He apologizes profusely and makes sure the lady is steady on her feet before bounding up the stairs, two at a time. Out on the street, he dodges the rush hour crowds, heading in the direction he thinks Buzz Cut went, collecting dirty looks along the way. He turns the corner and sees him leaning against the side of the building, his back to Adam, a phone pressed to his ear.

 

Adam reaches out to tap him on the shoulder. “Excuse me, sir?” He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say. What he’s meant to say.

 

The man turns around and Adam realizes that it isn’t him. Just another man in dark clothing with a shaved head. The disappointment nearly crushes him.

 

“I’m sorry to bother you,” he stammers. “I thought you were someone else.”

 

The man gives him a dirty look and Adam steps away, running a hand through his hair to ground himself. He walks the rest of the way to Blue’s shop, willing his heartbeat to return to a normal speed. The open sign on the door has been flipped to closed and a handmade sign that says “Private Party” in Blue’s handwriting is taped below it. Adam pushes the door open anyway, setting off the chimes hanging above.

 

“You’re too late,” Blue says, rummaging through a box of bath products she’s using to restock the shelves. Adam can hear shrieks of laughter coming from the room in the back of the shop used for readings and it’s odd to hear other people being so present in their lives when Adam feels so lost.

 

“What’s wrong with you? It looks like you’ve seen a ghost,” Blue says when she finally looks up from her task.

 

“I think I might have.”

 

“What do you mean? Do I need to get Orla? She’ll be pissed if I interrupt her Zoltar routine,” Blue says, shoving bottle after bottle into an empty row on the shelf in front of her.

 

“You know the guy? Buzz Cut?”

 

Blue pauses and Adam can practically see the wheels turning in her head. “The guy you saw in the grocery store in Henrietta, right? I remember.”

 

“He’s here. In the city.”

 

“Adam, that’s impossible.”

 

“Why? You’re here. You’re from Henrietta. So is Orla.”

 

“But the odds are so small.”

 

“I know it was him.” Adam traces the familiar arching brand name on the box with his fingertips. _Cabeswater_. “What is this stuff? Henry uses it.”

 

Blue stares at him quizzically. “It’s an all natural, organic, goat’s milk body lotion. Some influencers posted about in on Instagram and now I can’t keep it on the shelves. Don’t change the subject.”

 

“Where’s Singer’s Falls?” Adam asks, still reading the label on the box instead of meeting Blue’s eyes.

 

“Adam…”

 

She places her hand on his so he has no choice but to stop repetitively mapping the curving letters. “What is this really about?”

 

He looks up and is surprised to see a cross between annoyance and concern on her face. He slides his hand out from under hers and crosses his arms over his chest. “I don’t know what you mean.”

 

“I think you do.”

 

“I’m so stressed about finals that I’m starting to hallucinate?”

 

She rolls her eyes. “Buzz Cut represents an escape for you, don’t you think?”

 

Her words feel like an unintentional punch to the gut and Adam is certain that if he tried to breathe, there would be no air. He’s in the grocery store all over again - a fresh bruise on his cheek from his father, a debit card with insufficient funds from his mother - with no way out until he sees the raven crest on a handsome boy’s sweater and recognizes it as an opportunity.

 

But Aglionby Academy had groomed Adam to be a politician. He didn’t know what he was supposed to be if not that.

 

Blue doesn’t push him to answer. Just starts stocking the shelves again. She always seems to know when Adam needs time to process his thoughts and he’s suddenly, overwhelmingly grateful to have her back in his life again.

 

He takes a breath. “I don’t want to major in political science. I don’t want to go to law school.” It comes out in a rush of exhaled air and it feels so good to finally say it out loud.

 

Blue nods, as if she already knew what he was going to say. Maybe she’s psychic afterall. “What _do_ you want to do?”

 

Adam slumps against the shelf, rattling the bottles of essential oils above. He thinks about the unread stack of science journals on Henry’s desk back in their dorm room and how he often longs to pick one off the top and flip through it. He thinks about how he misses the challenge of taking apart and rebuilding a car’s engine. He thinks about how a farm somewhere in his home state of Virginia has the technology to produce a quality product that garners enough double taps on Instagram to wind up on the shelves of shops in New York City.

 

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and starts typing out an email to his advisor as he heads for the door. “I have to go.”

 

“What about the reading? Do you want to reschedule?” Blue calls over the ringing of the chimes.

 

Adam’s had enough of psychics and fate. His life isn’t predetermined. He makes his own rules and his own future. “I don’t need it.”

 

*****

_5 years later..._

 

Adam needs to wake up.

 

It’s still very early on a Saturday morning, but he’s already hit the snooze button twice and if he lets the alarm go off a third time, he’ll lose all credibility with himself. He vaguely recalls a time when he could wake up on his own consistently without an alarm. Now he’s drawing fictional lines in the sand between how many times he can hit snooze before he’s deemed truly pathetic. His nonsensical thoughts are interrupted by obnoxious buzzing. _Actually, three sounds like a pretty solid number_ , he thinks, as he reaches over to flick the switch on the clock on the bedside table to off. He pushes himself up and out of bed, and yawns his way to the bathroom.

 

He stands under the hot shower spray for at least ten minutes before his brain starts functioning properly and he remembers the phone call he received yesterday from a recruiter for a company in DC who thinks his senior project at Columbia could have a practical application in their industry for a small business they had just acquired. He starts making a mental pro/con list. Pros: it’s more money then he’s currently making and he’d be in charge of a project he’s passionate about. Cons: he’d have to leave his life in New York City behind and it’s way too fucking close to Henrietta. He never thought he’d go back to Virginia. He leans his head against the wall of the shower until the water runs cold. Then he stands under the cold water a little longer.

 

He dries off quickly and wraps the towel around his waist and heads out to the stainless steel kitchen to turn on the coffee maker. He’s about to return to the bedroom to get dressed when he notices Henry sprawled on his back on the couch in the sparse living room, completely unconscious.

 

Adam clutches the towel and nudges Henry in the ribs with his foot to make sure he’s still alive. His eyes flutter open. “Why are you crashing on my sofa? You have your own apartment.”

 

Henry groans and rolls onto his stomach, an arm and a leg dangling off the edge like a leopard on a tree limb. “It was late. I was drunk. And lonely,” he mumbles into the cushion.

 

“Should I be glad you only made it as far as the couch?”

 

“Don’t tempt me, darling. Put some clothes on.”

 

Adam laughs and retreats to his room to throw on a t-shirt and sweats. When he returns, Henry has barely moved.

 

“Why are you up so early on a Saturday morning?” He asks, eyes still closed, but he’s at least turned his face so Adam can hear him.

 

“Work.”

 

“Should’ve known.”

 

“What did you do last night?”

 

“Raised funds.”

 

“For what?”

 

“I don’t even know anymore. Why do rich people like to drink so much?”

 

“Ah. The rough life of a community organizer.” Adam pours himself a cup of coffee and settles at the table with his laptop and a folder full of paperwork. Henry snoozes off and on for a couple of hours before jumping up suddenly and rushing for the door.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Lunch event with the mayor’s staff. I almost forgot!”

 

Adam doesn’t even have a chance to tell him that the hair on one side of his head is completely flat before he’s gone. He’ll probably hear about that as soon as Henry catches his reflection in the side of a building. He puts his phone on Do Not Disturb mode and buries himself in work.

 

He’s still sitting at the kitchen table when Henry returns later in the evening with takeout of some kind. He drops the bag on the table and stares at Adam.

 

Adam sighs. “What, Cheng?”

 

“Have you moved at all from that position?”

 

“No!” Blue confirms from where she’s lounging on the sofa scrolling through her phone. “Not since I’ve been here.”

 

Adam looks up, confused. _“_ When _did_ you get here?”

 

“Seriously?” Blue gets up and starts rustling through the bag of food, pulling out containers and opening them up and distributing them to the appropriate owner. “I’m offended. Why did you give me a key if you didn’t want me to come over whenever I want?”

 

“That’s what I said this morning.” Henry flops into a chair and digs into a container of food.

 

“You did not.” Adam moves some of his papers out of the way before Henry or Blue can spill anything on them. “What’s Orla up to now?”

 

Blue scowls. “A private consultation. She says she’ll text me when it’s safe to return.”

 

“I’m intrigued. What exactly goes on in a private consultation?” Henry asks through a mouthful of food.

 

“It’s not as sexy as it sounds, trust me.” Blue turns to Adam as she takes a seat. “What are you even working on?”

 

Adam sighs. “All of this test data needs to be compiled into a report by next Friday.”

 

“But isn’t that what you do at the office for twelve hours a day during the week?”

 

“Yes, but it’ll look good if I turn it in ahead of schedule.”

 

“Under commit, over deliver,” Blue says, dryly.

 

“Exactly!” Adam beams at her.

 

“That’s it. We’re going out tonight,” Henry interjects. “No more shop talk.”

 

“Didn’t you go out last night?”

 

“That was for work. Tonight is for play. Work-life balance.”

 

“I can’t.” Adam gestures to the diagrams and blueprints that surround him. He nearly knocks over a fifth cup of coffee that went cold hours ago.

 

Henry leans over and pushes his laptop shut. “I refuse to take no for an answer. You need a break.”

 

“Hey! I didn’t save my work,” Adam says. His tone is incredulous, but he actually feels a little relieved. He finally takes a bite of food.

 

“Save yourself! We are going to go out and find someone for you to hook up with. You need to get laid.”

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Blue chastises.

 

“Why not?” Henry asks.

 

“The last time you encouraged him to just go out and get laid, he slept with my cousin.”

 

Adam and Henry look at each briefly before they bust out laughing.

 

“Don’t laugh. I’d rather not witness another Adam Parrish walk of shame.”

 

“Please. I’ve witnessed plenty of those.”

 

Adam can’t help but feel a little nostalgic. “Fine. I’ll go.”

 

Henry whoops and holds out his hand for Adam to high five.

 

“Why do you have my name written on your hand?” Adam asks, leaving him hanging.

 

Henry holds his hand in front of his face, examining the crude letters scrawled across his palm.  “Oh right! My dad called. He told me he recommended his best intern ever for a position at a company in DC.”

 

Blue chokes on a piece of broccoli. Henry whacks her on the back and then rubs it gently when she protests. She wipes her watering eyes. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

 

Adam’s cheeks grow warm. “I don’t know if I’m interested in it.” He gets up abruptly, his legs stiff from sitting for so long, and starts clearing the table.

 

Blue gives Henry a look, but he just shrugs.

 

“Adam…” She begins.

 

Adam is suddenly very weary of continuing a conversation that hasn’t really started yet. “Are we going out or not?”

 

Blue sighs. “Not me. I have to open the shop tomorrow.”

 

“Hell yeah! Can I pick out your outfit?” Henry asks.

 

“Am I really that much of a fashion disaster?”

 

“Yes,” Blue and Henry say at the same time. They smile at each other and if Adam didn’t know any better, he’d think they were flirting.

 

He lets Henry push him towards the bedroom and his closet where he picks out Adam’s tightest pair of jeans and a purple button down shirt that he isn’t allowed to button nearly as much as he would like.

 

“Wait, you’re missing something.” Henry drags Adam to the bathroom and rummages through his medicine cabinet and drawers until he finds some hair gel. He unscrews the cap and sniffs the contents before deciding that it’ll have to do. He squirts a small amount in his hands and rubs them together, before running them through Adam’s hair until it’s artfully tousled.

 

“Yes! You’re gorgeous!”

 

Adam flushes. He’s aware on some level that he’s attractive, but his looks are just not something he typically spends much time on. Henry, on the other hand, is perpetually ready for a night out.

 

“So gay or straight?” Henry asks.

 

Adam looks at him funny.

 

“The bar, AP. Obviously not your orientation.”

 

They look at each other in the mirror again. “Gay,” they say in unison. They grin at each other.

 

Blue is perched on the arm of the sofa when they emerge from the bathroom. She eyes them both until Adam starts to feel a little uncomfortable. “Wait, you’re missing something,” she says to Adam and it really is a wonder she and Henry don’t get along better. She digs in her bag and pulls out what looks like a black colored pencil. “Come here.” She gets up on her tiptoes and expertly lines Adam’s eyes. “There. Perfect. Now go have fun. And you better not show up at my apartment at 3 am.”

 

Henry winks at her.

 

*****

 

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Adam shouts at Henry over the pulsing beat of the electronic music. Strobe lights flash and laser beams pitch from wall to wall.

 

“Here, have one or two of these and you’ll believe it,” Henry responds, pressing a shot glass into Adam’s hand. “I opened a tab.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Tequila. Bottoms up!”

 

They clink glasses and down the shot. Adam winces, but Henry hands him a slice of lime and that makes everything better. They do another shot right after.

 

“So… there’s plenty of gorgeous men here. Take your pick.”

 

Henry isn’t wrong. Adam glances around. There are at least half a dozen guys he finds attractive in his line of sight, but he needs the tequila to kick in before he’d actually have the nerve to approach one of them.

 

“What are you thinking?” Henry asks. “I can practically see your thoughts getting all tangled up in that beautiful head of yours.”

 

“I think I need another drink.”

 

Henry breathes a sigh of relief and signals for the bartender. “That I can help you with. If it was anything deeper than that, you were going to be out of luck.”

 

Adam lets out a burst of laughter that catches the notice of one of the attractive men nearby. Henry notices too and as soon as the next round of drinks arrive, he announces that he’s making himself scarce.

 

The crowd parts like the Red Sea in his wake and Adam’s smile falters when he sees a familiar figure leaning against a table under the balcony. Buzz Cut’s alone as far as Adam can tell, which is a tragedy because he’s so fucking hot, he should be swarming with potential suitors. He locks eyes with Adam and stands up straight. Adam thinks it should probably be an intimidating gesture, but instead it’s endearing. He thinks maybe the tequila is starting to take effect.

 

Adam takes a gulp of the fruity drink Henry ordered for him for courage and then pushes away from the bar. One of the attractive men steps into his path to say hello.

 

“I’m sorry,” Adam says. “I just spotted someone I want.”

 

The man looks offended.

 

“Someone I want to talk to,” Adam tries to explain, without really making it any better.

 

“That’s too bad. I’ve watched that one reject man after man all night. Good luck.”

 

Adam’s face burns. Maybe Buzz Cut’s not into guys after all. He is in all of Adam’s best fantasies, but he really shouldn’t have made any assumptions. He decides there’s really only one way to find out and continues his journey across the bar. Buzz Cut watches him with intense curiosity the entire way, which is pretty much the opposite of the “stay away” vibe he might have expected if his assumptions had not been correct.

 

“Took you long enough,” Buzz Cut says with a smirk when Adam finally reaches the table.

 

Everything Adam had queued up to say to him instantly vanishes from his brain. Maybe it’s the clothes and the hair and the eyeliner. Maybe it’s the tequila, but all at once, Adam knows what he wants from him after all this time. He needs to sleep with him and get him out of his system so he can move on with his life.

 

Adam eyes the sweaty press of bodies on the dance floor. Feeling bold, he says, “come dance with me.”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I’m not as drunk as you.”

 

Adam hands the man the rest of his nearly full drink. He looks into it and swirls it around for a second before deciding to trust Adam and downing it all in one shot.

 

He gags and splutters. “What the fuck was that?”

 

Adam shrugs. “A blood orange something or other. My friend ordered it for me. I don’t drink much.”

 

“Holy shit. At least it wasn’t weak.”

 

Adam grins and grabs Buzz Cut’s hand, pulling him towards the packed center of the room.

 

They don’t so much as dance as press their bodies as close together as possible. The dance floor is far too crowded to allow for much more. Buzz Cut places his hands on Adam’s waist and Adam leans back into him and slowly begins working his hips and ass. It’s not long before Adam can feel his breath on the back of his neck and then his nose nuzzling just below his right ear. Adam turns into the touch and Buzz Cut’s lips graze his jaw. Adam reaches up and runs an encouraging hand up the back of his neck, feeling the sharp bristles of his shaved head against his palm. It tingles all the way down his arm.

 

“Is this okay?” Buzz Cut asks.

 

Adam nods and continues to stroke the back of his head and neck. His lips trail down Adam’s jaw to his neck, where he applies just the right amount of pressure. Adam closes his eyes and swallows. The man nips and sucks at the sensitive skin until Adam can’t stand it any longer and chases his mouth with his own. The angle is awkward and he only gets the corner of his mouth, so Adam pulls him closer. He slides his arms tighter around Adam’s waist as Adam slides his tongue into his mouth. Adam can’t hear the hum of approval over the thumping bass, but he can feel it. It sends a shiver down his spine.

 

Once the kiss ends, Adam turns to face Buzz Cut, their bodies pressed close. He looks into his ice blue eyes, but he doesn’t know what to do with his hands so he presses them to his chest. Adam can feel his heart pounding against the tender flesh of the palm of his hand, like he’s afraid that Adam will push him away instead of pulling him close again. That’s not the message that Adam wants to send, so he slides his hands up to his neck, and then around to the back of his head. Buzz Cut’s mouth turns up at the corner in a smirk, or a dare, and Adam crashes his own mouth into it. Their tongues tangle and his hand slides down to grip Adam’s ass and pulls him even closer. Heat pulses through Adam’s body and he wishes they were somewhere private, preferably somewhere private with a bed.

 

Before Adam can think about it too much, he breaks off the kiss and nuzzles the man’s stubbled jaw. “We could leave,” Adam says directly into his ear.

 

Buzz Cut pulls away slightly and shakes his head. Adam immediately deflates. What had he done wrong? Had he misread the signals? Had he misread the stranger’s body? Should he tell him the truth? That he knows who he is even if he doesn’t know his name? That he’s thought about this moment or one like it every day for years?

 

A frustrated look passes over Buzz Cut’s face. Someone loses their balance in the crowd and crashes into Adam’s side, pushing him off balance. He grabs Adam’s hand and keeps him upright, steadying him on his feet.

 

“Watch it,” he snarls at the guy who fell against Adam. He holds his hands up in apology and backs away like a cornered animal.

 

“Come on.” He pulls Adam off the dance floor and towards the exit. Adam wonders if he’s changed his mind. When they reach the sidewalk outside and find it deserted, Buzz Cut turns to him and says, “I don’t want to just sleep with you.”

 

“Why?” Adam blurts. He thinks he knows what that means, but this boy - man, now - has been a persistent itch that Adam has been unable to reach for so long. Now that he has a chance to finally scratch it, he’s reluctant to give it up.

 

“We’re both drunk.”

 

Adam can’t help but think that’s kind of the point.

 

“And…” he hesitates, than brushes the back of his fingers down Adam’s cheek. “I think I want something more with you.”

 

Adam can feel the rush of heat returning to his face. He isn’t sure if he’s supposed to feel better or worse. He isn’t sure he’s thinking clearly at all. He pushes away from Buzz Cut. “Okay.”

 

“Give me your phone.”

 

Adam pats his front pockets before clumsily pulling his phone out of his back pocket. He hands it over, letting his fingers linger longer than necessary, dragging against the his palm.

 

He just stares at Adam, amused, before fiddling with the phone. He hands it back to Adam and says, “There. You have my name and number. Call me tomorrow morning when you wake up. We’ll go to brunch or whatever.”

 

Adam grins. “Technically it’s already morning.”

 

“You know what I mean.”

 

“Fine. How early is too early then?”

 

He shrugs. “Don’t set an alarm or anything. Just drink some water, take some ibuprofen and sleep off the hangover. When you feel like yourself again, call me. I’ll be around.”

 

Adam watches, phone still in hand, as the man turns and flags a taxi in one smooth motion for someone who's drunk. Adam envies the control he seems to have over his faculties. He turns back to Adam one last time and smiles. It gives Adam the impression that it’s something he doesn’t do very often or that it’s something he doesn’t share with just anyone. Adam sways a bit on his feet before lifting a hand and giving a small wave back. He watches the cab until it disappears around a corner a couple of blocks away. He turns to head back into the club to look for Henry and runs straight into the bouncer. His phone flies out of his hand and clatters across the sidewalk for several feet before slipping into one of the vents in the sidewalk.

 

*****

Adam is frantic by the time he makes it to Blue’s apartment and rings the buzzer. Orla answers.

 

“Oh… Adam. It’s so late, it’s early,” she drawls.

 

At first Adam is startled to hear his name, but then he remembers that Orla’s psychic.

 

“It’s an emergency, Orla. Can I come up?”

 

“I’ll bet it is.”

 

“I’m not here for that. I need to talk to Blue.”

 

Orla hesitates before saying “fine” and buzzing the door open.

 

Adam takes the steps two at a time until he reaches their 4th floor walk up. The door is cracked open. Adam pushes it open and steps in. Orla walks out of the kitchen with a steaming mug in her hands, wearing a short silk robe and a smile.

 

“Your eyeliner is smudged. Rough night?”

 

“You have no idea.” Adam waves her off. “I haven’t slept.”

 

“Neither have I. Blue is sleeping though.”

 

“I’m going to wake her up.”

 

“Right. It’s an emergency.”

 

Adam walks to Blue’s room and lightly taps on the door. “Blue?” he says tentatively. He reaches for the door knob, knowing that it doesn’t latch properly. Orla hovers close behind.

 

“Oh, she’s not alone,” Orla says suddenly, just as the door pops open. Adam doesn’t have time to grab the door before it hits the other side of the wall and not one, but two bodies scramble for the sheets.

 

“Orla, what the hell??” Blue screeches.

 

“It wasn’t me,” Orla says, voice calm. She sips her tea.

 

Adam starts to back out of the room. “Blue… I’m sorry. I didn’t know... Henry??” He changes his mind and walks into the room and closes the door on Orla.

 

“Hey, First Man.”

 

“What the fuck? You left me at the club.”

 

“You were definitely occupied the last time I saw you on the dance floor. At least your mouth and your hands were. Nice work, Parrish, by the way. That guy was hot. And exactly your type too…”

 

“IT WAS HIM,” Adam interrupts Henry’s ramblings.

 

“What do you mean?” Blue asks.

 

“Buzz Cut! You know… the guy from the grocery store when I was sixteen.”

 

“Are you sure? How could you even tell? You were attached to his lips.”

 

Adam picks up one of Blue’s stuffed animals and throws it at Henry’s head. He misses badly and it hits Blue instead. She nearly drops the sheet she’s clutching to her chest. “I didn’t just walk up to him and immediately start kissing him.”

 

“Why not?” Henry asks. “I would have.”

 

Blue throws the stuffed animal at Henry and hits him square in the middle of his forehead.

 

Adam groans. “No, I talked to him first”, which is barely true, now that Adam is sober enough to see things a little more clearly. “I didn’t ask his name. God, I’m such an idiot.”

 

“Why didn’t you ask him his name?” Blue asks.

 

“I’ve been thinking about him for so long, building him up in my head, I guess I felt like I already knew him.” Adam presses his palms into his eyes. “I shouldn’t have done those shots.”

 

“Oh no. Those shots were a very good idea. You probably wouldn’t have even approached him if not for the shots. I am not to blame for this in any possible way.” Henry reclines back against the mattress, completely relaxed.

 

“You’re probably a little to blame,” Blue chides Henry, remaining upright.

 

“I haven’t even told you the worst part.”

 

“It gets worse??” Henry asks.

 

“There was a bit of a scuffle on the dance floor, so we went outside. I thought maybe we were going to go back to my place or his place, but he didn’t want to. He put his contact info in my phone and told me to call him this morning for brunch. You know… when we both weren’t so drunk.”

 

“So you did get his name then?” Blue asks, confused.

 

“I dropped my phone in a fucking vent before I got a chance to look at it.”

 

They both stare at him for a full minute before Henry starts laughing hysterically and Blue’s expression turns horrified.

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

“I don’t know… I’ll go to every brunch place in the city if I have to.”

 

“But that’s impossible!” Henry gasps.

 

“That is not helpful,” Blue says through clenched teeth. “Adam, stop pacing, come sit down and lets think this through rationally and decide on an appropriate course of action.”

 

Adam eyes them both, his two best friends, half-naked in bed - Blue, clutching the sheet to her chest like a long lost possession newly found - Henry, not being nearly as modest about the placement of the sheet over his defined torso - _together_. Adam leans against Blue’s desk.

 

“What’s going on here?” He asks, gesturing between the two of them.

 

“Let’s not get distracted from the real issue,” Blue deflects.

 

“No, it can wait a minute. I didn’t even think you two liked each other.”

 

Blue sighs and rubs her hands over her face aggressively. “He’s grown on me.”

 

A wicked grin spreads across Henry’s face. “And in you.”

 

Blue practically shoves his naked ass off the bed.

 

“God, Henry,” Adam laughs. He feels the tension drain from his face and body at least temporarily. “I’m gonna… uh… I’m gonna give you two a minute.” He pushes off the desk and heads to the door. When he opens it, Orla nearly falls into the room. Adam catches her and sets her back on her feet.

 

“Seriously, Orla??” Blue says.

 

“Oh relax. I could barely hear a thing.” She turns and waltzes back towards the living room. Adam follows. She picks up her phone from the armrest of the couch and sits, tucking her long legs under her. Adam walks past her to the kitchen and contemplates making coffee. Not that he needs anything that will make him more jittery and full of energy then he already is. But he knows he’s running purely on adrenaline. He’s going to crash at some point - sooner, rather than later.

 

He finds a dusty, gently used coffee maker tucked in a corner with the cord wrapped around it. He pulls it out and wipes off the dust with his bare hand. He unplugs the electric kettle and plugs in the coffee maker instead, taking the pot and swirling it around under the faucet before dumping it back out. He fills it up again and pours the water into the machine’s reservoir. Only then does he realize that he doesn’t even know if they have any coffee. He rummages through the cupboards until he finds an old can of Bustelo and a couple of paper filters. He gets everything ready and when the coffee starts to drip, he takes a seat at the table to wait.

 

Orla slides her phone across the table towards him. He looks up at her, quizzically, before looking down at the phone. It’s a tabloid news story of some kind and the headline reads “NYPD Rescues Engagement Ring After It Falls Into Grate”.

 

Adam scoffs. “What’s this?”

 

“I thought you might find it interesting.”

 

“I thought you could barely hear anything.”

 

Orla rolls her eyes. “I’m just trying to help.” She grabs for her phone, but Adam stops her. He reads the article while she waits, arms crossed over chest.

 

“These people are straight though. I doubt the NYPD will be as happy to help me with my situation.”

 

“You won’t know though unless you try. It’s an option.”

 

“What’s an option?” Henry asks, entering the kitchen fully dressed in last night’s clothes and last night’s hair. Adam is impressed. Only Henry could make a walk of shame look so good. Adam doesn’t want to come within a hundred feet of a mirror right now.

 

Henry looks over Adam’s shoulder at Orla’s phone. “Oh yes, I remember when that happened. The cops retrieved the ring, but then couldn’t find the couple, so they turned to social media to spread the word. I retweeted early and often. Love is so beautiful.”

 

“That is absurd. I’m not going to tweet about losing a guy’s number.”

 

“But this isn’t about just any guy. We’re talking about your soulmate.”

 

Adam lets out an exasperated noise and rests his forehead on the table, covering the back of his head with this hands. The idea that he’d let fate literally slip through his fingers made him sick to his stomach. But that might have also been the tequila.

 

“You could at least do one of those missed connection things on Craigslist,” Orla suggests.

 

“Ugh. No. I’ve tried that before. The only responses I got were from total creepers,” Henry says.

 

“When did you try that?” Adam mumbles into the kitchen table.

 

“Last summer. I shared a Lyft with a gorgeous twink who was suggestively eating an ice cream cone. The driver assumed I was a tourist and wouldn’t stop talking about the history of the village long enough for me to get his number,” Henry sighs, wistful in remembrance. “I have yet to experience a worse form of microaggression.”

 

Orla snorts. Blue walks into the kitchen and immediately pours a cup of coffee and sets it down in front of Adam.

 

“Finally, somebody sensible.” Adam sits up straight and takes a large gulp of hot, black coffee. It scalds his tongue.

 

“Here’s what we’re going to do,” Blue says, taking a seat at the table across from Adam. “First, we’re going to go back to where you dropped your phone and see if we can get it out by any means necessary.”

 

“I tried that,” Adam protested. “For hours. There were no loose grates.”

 

“You didn’t try it when you were sober.”

 

Adam had to admit to himself that she had a valid point.

 

“Second,” Blue continued, “If we can’t get it out ourselves, we’ll call 311 to report it and see if the city will get involved.”

 

Adam’s skin starts buzzing. This is why he came here in the first place. He could usually easily puzzle through a difficult situation, the logistician that he was, but when it came to his own love life, it’s like he has a very large blind spot that always prevents him from seeing things clearly. He needs someone to help him think through a plan and Blue is the best at putting a plan into action.

 

“Third, if the city cannot help us, we are going to go back to the very beginning and you’re going to tell me every single thing you know about this guy and we are going to follow every clue until we’ve exhausted every lead, because _fuck_ fate.” Blue bangs her fist against the table.

 

“Holy shit, that was so hot,” Henry says, staring at Blue, unblinking. “I’m so turned on right now.”

 

Blue blushes and Orla howls with laughter.

 

“Well, you three have fun. I’m going to bed,” Orla says, when she finally stops laughing. She reaches out and scratches the top of Adam’s head with her fingernails as she passes. “If you don’t find your man, Adam, you know where I live.”

 

“Get out of here!” Blue hollers. Orla cackles again before disappearing into her bedroom.

 

Adam looks around the room for a clock. “What time is it?”

 

Henry looks down at his expensive watch. “Almost six.”

 

“Damn. I gotta open the store at nine. That only gives us a couple of hours.” Blue shakes off the sleepiness and sets a determined look on her face. “That should be enough time to get there and assess the situation before calling 311.”

 

Adam chugs the rest of his coffee, caffeine and adrenaline surging through his veins, and stands up. “Let’s go, then.”

 

“Lyft is on it’s way,” Henry says, waving his phone at them. “It will be here in six minutes.”

 

Blue grins at Henry - a genuine sign of affection - maybe the first one that Adam has actually recognized. They really do appear to like each other. Adam had just been too wrapped up in his own drama to notice. Suddenly, he doesn’t want to be in the apartment anymore. He wants to get out into the cool morning air. He wants to be able to breathe.

 

He heads for the door, but stops when it appears that nobody is following him. He looks back to the kitchen and sees that Henry has pulled Blue onto his lap and they are kissing passionately.

 

Adam clears his throat.

 

Blue jumps up off Henry. “Right, sorry. Let’s go.” She slips on a pair of sneakers and grabs a light jacket off the coat rack by the door. She throws it over her long t-shirt and leggings and adds her keys and phone to the front pocket. Adam feels like everything is happening in slow motion.

 

*****

 

They wait at the curb for their ride. It’s early enough in the spring for the mornings to be chilly. Adam rubs his hands up and down his arms, shivering slightly. His head is swimming. He’s either beginning to feel the effects of a hangover or quite possibly, he’s still a little drunk. He watches Henry rest his hands on Blue’s shoulders and pull her back against him. It reminds Adam of how it felt to lean against Buzz Cut’s chest on the dance floor, his breath hot on Adam’s neck. Adam can feel the heat rising to his cheeks and he’s thankful that their ride pulls up to the curb and he’s able to get in the front passenger seat by himself and press the side of his face up against the cool window. He closes his eyes.

 

“Parrish,” Henry says, reaching from the back seat and gently shaking Adam’s shoulder a few seconds later. At least it only felt like a few seconds later. “We’re here.”

 

Adam blinks rapidly before mumbling a quick thanks to the driver and practically falling out of the car door. The scene of the crime. He spins in a slow circle to get his bearings. “Over here,” he says, finally, gesturing toward a spot on the sidewalk several yards away. He walks over and bends to peer through the grate. Henry and Blue follow close behind. He doesn’t see anything in the murky darkness below ground.

 

“Henry, call my phone,” Adam suggests. Henry obliges obediently. Adam studies the grate again, hoping to see his phone light up. He doesn’t expect that he’ll be able to hear the vibrations, especially not with all of the early morning street noise now competing for Adam’s limited senses. He sees nothing. He didn’t want to contemplate the fact that his phone could be completely submerged in whatever sludge existed at the bottom of the vent, because that would mean that even if he got his phone back, it would probably still be useless. Henry ends the call.

 

“Blue, can you shine the flashlight from your phone down there.” Blue also follows Adam’s instructions and they methodically canvas the grate section by section.

 

“Are you sure it’s this one?” Blue asks.

 

Adam stands up and looks around and shakes his head. He’s not sure about anything anymore.

 

“Well, let’s just move to the next one. Henry, call Adam’s phone again,” Blue instructs and Adam is grateful to have her take over. The lack of sleep and the alcohol and the coffee is starting to get to him. Plus, his bladder is about to explode. A garbage truck trundles up the street towards them.

 

“Oh thank God,” Blue says. “I was not looking forward to moving any trash bags.”

 

The truck stops just ahead of them and a tall man with broad shoulders and blonde curls in a jumpsuit hops off the back of the truck and begins chucking the large black bags from the street into the compactor one handed. Something about him looks familiar to Adam.

 

“You folks lose something?” the man asks before stepping off the curb.

 

“My phone,” Adam mutters.

 

“I have a friend who runs a little side hustle getting stuff out of subway grates for people. You want her number?”

 

“There’s really a market for that?” Henry asks.

 

The man shrugs. “You’d be surprised.”

 

“Yes, we’ll take the number,” Blue says, approaching the man. Adam watches them lean over her phone as she types out the contact info in the notes app. Adam studies his face, trying to place him. Does he know him from school or work? Maybe from a night out? Adam hasn’t had _that_ many one night stands though. He’s pretty sure he would remember if he’d slept with this guy.

 

“Matt! Let’s go!” The truck driver yells.

 

“Good luck!” The man says cheerfully, hopping back up on the truck. Adam stares after it as it continues to make its way up the street.

 

“Hey. You okay?” Blue asks. She reaches up and rubs gently at a smudge under Adam’s eye.

 

“I feel like shit,” Adam replies.

 

“Well, the sooner we get back to looking, the sooner we can move on to step two of the plan, and the sooner you can go home and get some rest.”

 

Henry yelps suddenly from five grates away. “Found it!”

 

Blue and Adam approach where Henry is bent over the sidewalk clutching his phone. Adam looks down into the vent and at first, he can’t see anything at all.

 

“Shit. Wait. The call ended. Let me try again. You’re gonna have a lot of voicemails of city life, my friend, once you get it back,” Henry mutters as he taps at the screen on his phone. “See! There!”

 

Adam looks where Henry is pointing. About a foot down into the murk, Adam sees a dim light flare up suddenly. Adam steps around to the other side to get a better look at the screen. He can just barely make out several notifications on the screen - thirty missed calls from Henry, five missed voicemails and a single text message from a name Adam doesn’t recognize. _Ronan_.

 

They crouch over the grate as a team and work their fingers into the slots to see if they can pull the grate up, but it doesn’t budge. Blue has the smallest hands, so she slides her hand as far as she can into the vent, but still comes up inches short.

 

“If I try to go any further, my arm is going to get stuck,” she says. Henry pulls her away before that can happen.

 

Somewhere far below them, a subway car barrels through a station, causing the infrastructure to vibrate all the way up to the street. Adam watches in horror as his phone slips from it’s precarious position on a ledge into the black depths below. Any clattering noise from the fall is eaten up by the screeching hiss of the train’s brakes.

 

“No!” Adam cries and falls to his knees, hands splayed over the metal rectangular grid. “ _Fuck_. Henry, call again.”

 

When Henry doesn’t immediately respond, Adam looks up at him. Henry’s face is a mask of bad feeling.

 

“Please. Just one more time,” Adam begs. “It’ll help if we still know it’s general location when we call the city.”

 

Henry taps the screen. They all three stare down into the hole, but they hear and see nothing.

 

*****

 

The rest of the day is a blur. Adam feels like he’s sleepwalking or dreaming or hallucinating. He’s not sure which. The disappointment he feels mixes with the lack of sleep and the hangover to form a toxic cocktail of regret.

 

Blue calls 311 to see if the city will do anything. She nudges Adam and shoves the phone at him when the person on the phone asks for his contact information. Adam is on autopilot when he relays his address and work phone number from memory. He dutifully hands the phone back to Blue. When she asks how long it will be before they can send someone to help, they put her on hold.

 

Henry calls the garbage man’s friend while Blue waits. The woman’s name is Opal and she agrees to meet them in an hour, so they cross the street to wait at a Starbucks and use the bathroom.

 

Adam doesn’t realize he’s shivering until Blue presses a warm beverage into his hands. “I probably shouldn’t have any more coffee.”

 

“That’s why I got you hot chocolate and a breakfast sandwich. Maybe you’ll feel better if you eat something.”

 

Adam blows on the lid before taking a sip. It’s too hot to drink so he sets the cup down. He eyes the wrapped sandwich, but feels like if he commits to eating it, then he’s officially ruling out the possibility that he’ll make it to brunch with Buzz Cut. He suddenly feels overwhelmed with emotion and has to swallow it back down. He shakes his head and takes a deep breath and looks at his best friends sitting across from him. “Thank you. For everything. I know this whole thing is crazy, but I’m glad you’re both here with me.”

 

“Adam, I love you,” Henry says. “You’re like a brother to me. I want you to be happy more than anything.”

 

Blue nods in agreement. “You deserve it.”

 

Adam slides his elbows across the table and covers his face with his hands. “I don’t think I’m going to take the job.”

 

“But why? It’s exactly what you want,” Henry says.

 

Adam sighs. “I don’t think I’m ready to go back to Virginia.”

 

Blue covers his hand with hers. “Adam. You’re tired. You haven’t slept yet. I don’t think you should make any hasty decisions right now.”

 

“My family is here.”

 

Blue squeezes his hand, but Adam pulls away when a scrawny girl no taller than Blue crashes through the door wearing an oversized fisherman’s sweater and leggings tucked into a pair of muck boots. She has a white skull cap pulled tight over her blonde pixie cut and a rucksack thrown over her shoulder. She stops just inside the door and looks down at her phone, scrolling furiously.

 

“Adam Parrish?” She reads from the screen, then looks up.

 

Adam stands. He still feels a little shaky. “Hello, Opal?”

 

The girl sizes him up for a long moment before nodding.

 

“How old are you?”

 

Opal scowls. “Eighteen”

 

“I doubt it.”

 

“Do you want my help or not?” She challenges.

 

Adam did want her help. Very much so. “Sorry. You’re just not what I was expecting.”

 

“I’m not surprised. What kind of phone is it?”

 

“Huh? Oh. An Iphone 8, I think.” He had been too busy to upgrade lately.

 

Opal nods. “Let’s go.”

 

Adam looks over his shoulder to see Blue’s wide eyes and Henry’s shrug. They obediently follow.

 

They cross the street back to the last known location of Adam’s phone and describe in as much detail as possible where they think the phone may be. Opal listens intently, but doesn’t comment. Then she sets her bag down on the ground and leans over to rummage through it. She pulls out a folded up contraption that Adam couldn’t have dreamt up if he tried. She spends the next fifteen minutes diligently probing the vent. She finds nothing. Adam has deflated completely by the time she gives up and cleans off her tool and packs it away in her bag. “Sorry,” she says and turns to walk away quickly.

 

“Wait,” Adam says. “Don’t I owe you for looking?” He reaches for his wallet, which is still thankfully, obediently, in his possession and pulls it out of his back pocket. “How much?”

 

Opal stares at Adam like he has two heads. “I didn’t find anything.”

 

“I know. But you still performed a service.”

 

“People only pay me if I find something. Otherwise, they yell. Usually.”

 

Adam’s heart clenches. Then he digs a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet and holds it out to her. “Please. Take it.”

 

One of her fair eyebrows arches all the way up to the edge of her blonde bangs, but she snatches the bill out of Adam’s hand and then scuries away, as if Adam might change his mind and ask for his money back.

 

Adam stares after her for a long time, until Blue touches his arm gingerly.

 

“Adam. I have to go open the store. I think you should go home and get some sleep. We can regroup later tonight.”

 

“Yeah. Okay.” He turns around as Henry loops an arm around Blue’s shoulder. Both of their faces look pitiful and Adam can’t stand it. “I’m gonna walk home.”

 

“No way, man. It’s too far. Let me get a Lyft,” Henry says.

 

“I am not letting you do that again. We can take the subway this time, “ Blue protests.

 

Adam is decidedly not in the mood to listen to a petty argument. “It’s fine. You guys go ahead. I need some space.”

 

“You sure?”

 

Blue’s face is full of concern and Adam can’t look at it, so he looks down, dragging the toe of his show across an old “I Voted” sticker stuck to the sidewalk. “I’m sure.”

 

They both know Adam well enough not to press. Even though Henry’s arm is around Blue, she still manages to lead him in the direction of the subway stop down the street. Adam turns and heads in the opposite direction.

 

*****

 

Adam goes to work on Monday. He turns in his report on Wednesday. He buys a new phone on Friday. He doesn’t hear from the city.

 

That night, he meets up with Blue and Henry at Blue’s apartment to go over everything he can remember about Buzz Cut, or Ronan, as they now know his name. Their first point of reference is Aglionby Academy. A friend of Maura’s still works in the school’s accounting department, so Blue gives her a call to see if she can do any digging. She promises to call Blue back if she finds anything.

 

Blue stops by Monday evening after work with news. She pushes a piece of paper across the table toward Adam. It contains Ronan’s last name, Lynch, and the dates of his matriculation at Aglionby. Turns out, he was expelled the year before Adam began attending. It must have happened shortly after Adam saw him in the grocery store.

 

Adam knows he could do more research. He’s heard horror stories about how much you can find out about a person from their social media accounts alone, but when a simple google search only yields an obituary for Ronan’s father, it feels like an invasion of privacy. Adam puts an end to their collective prying immediately.

 

“You want to know what I think?” Blue asks.

 

Adam sighs. “No, but you’re gonna tell me anyway.”

 

She grins. “I think you have your life so carefully planned out that you’re afraid that this guy is going to mess everything up.”

 

“Wouldn’t be the first time.”

 

“Maybe you could use a little mess in your life.”

 

Adam scowls.

 

“I’m serious, Adam. It means something. I don’t think you should give up.”

 

“I don’t think I have a choice.”

 

Choices have been weighing heavily on Adam’s mind lately. He chose to attend Aglionby Academy. He chose to change his major to engineering. He could choose to stop wasting his talents on the first company to offer him a job after graduation if he wanted. Adam doesn’t believe it’s a coincidence or twist of fate that all of his major life decisions keep occurring after an encounter with Ronan, but he’s coming around to the idea that Ronan is the catalyst. And Blue’s right, it means something.

 

He meets Blue and Henry for brunch on a Sunday morning in May.

 

“I’m gonna take the job in Virginia,” Adam says. He fails to clip his accent and a bit of his old southern drawl slips out. “Well, DC actually, but I’ve found an apartment in Virginia.”

 

“You changed your mind?” Blue asks.

 

Adam nods. There’s a tightness in his throat and a prickling feeling behind his eyes.

 

“When?” Henry asks.

 

“Two weeks,” Adam croaks. A single tear slips down his cheek as quick as his accent. He loves them both so much and he doesn’t want to leave them, but he can’t shake the feeling that he has to go back in order to move forward.

 

Blue sniffles a little and pulls an embroidered handkerchief out of her bag. She dabs lightly under her eyes before handing it over to Henry who is crying freely.

 

Adam laughs and soon they both join him. They laugh until the waitress comes over to ask if they need anything.

 

*********

 

Henry and Blue make an effort to celebrate all of Adam’s lasts before he leaves the city. His last trivia night is no exception. He takes his usual seat with his back to the door, but his good ear pointed towards the host so he can actually hear the question.

 

_“If hibernation is the term used for animals that dormant in the winter, what is the term used for animals that are dormant in the summer?”_

 

“Cheers!” Henry hands Adam a bottle of beer and clinks it with his own. Adam takes a swig and sets the bottle down on the table, fingernail already working at the corner of the label.

 

Blue passes the answer sheet to Adam. He circles the corresponding correct answer.

 

“Estivation,” A voice says behind Adam’s shoulder. “It’s Latin. Aestas is summer.”

 

“I’m familiar with the term, thanks,” Adam turns to hold up the piece of paper with the answer in the intruders face, but when he recognizes the face smirking down at him, he nearly falls out of his chair.

 

“Of course you are.”

 

“Ronan,” Adam whispers.

 

“I found you, Adam Parrish.”

 

Adam is so stunned, he doesn’t even notice the man standing next to Ronan until he clears his throat to get his attention.

 

“Oh, right. This is my friend Dick…”

 

“Gansey. We went to the same high school,” Adam says, extending his hand. Gansey smiles widely and shakes Adam’s hand.

 

“Of course. The valedictorian. Good to see you, Adam Parrish.”

 

“Yeah, you too.” Adam goes back to staring at Ronan before he remembers his manners. “These are my friends, Blue Sargent and Henry Cheng.”

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both.” Gansey says, with a grin.

 

“Do you guys want to join us?” Henry asks, patting the empty seat next to him and eyeing Gansey. “We could always use a couple additional brains.”

 

“Can we talk?” Ronan asks Adam, nodding towards the door.

 

“In the middle of trivia?” Blue asks, incredulous.

 

“Don’t worry, love, I’m sure Dick can help carry the weight of Adam’s absence,” Henry reassures her.

 

“Just call me Gansey. And I’ll try my best.”

 

Henry cocks his head to the side flirtatiously. “I bet you will.” Adam’s pretty sure Blue kicks him under the table.

 

Ronan grabs Adam’s hand and pulls him towards the door. Once outside, they cross the street to a small park on the corner.

 

“Your hands are so rough. I make something that could help with that, you know.” Without letting go of Adam’s right hand, Ronan stops walking and fishes around in his pocket with his left and pulls a travel size tube out. Adam recognizes the label immediately.

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

 

“What?” Ronan dabs a small amount of the cream on the back of Adam’s hands, then screws the cap back on and shoves the tube back in his pocket. He uses his thumbs to rub in the lotion in a circular motion.

 

“You make Cabeswater products?”

 

“Well, I used to. I recently sold the company. Now I don’t know how the fuck they make it.”

 

“How did you _used_ to make it?”

 

“Goat’s milk.”

 

Adam lets out a small huff of a laugh.

 

“Why is that funny?”

 

“No reason,” Adam says and cups Ronan’s face with his newly soft hands and pulls him into a kiss.

 

Adam breaks off the kiss and frowns.

 

“What’s wrong?” Ronan asks, turning his face to place a gentle kiss on the palm of Adam’s hand.

 

“I’m moving to Virginia on Saturday.”

 

Ronan wraps his arms around Adam, a true smile spreading across his face. “Good thing I live in Virginia.”

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“My little brother lives here and Gansey just moved here for grad school. I came to visit. And to find you.”

 

“How long are you staying?”

 

“Until Saturday.”

 

Adam kisses Ronan again.

 

“Then I have to show you all of my favorite places in the city before we go.”

 

“Ok, Parrish. Where to first?”

 

“Well, back inside until Trivia is over if we want to survive the night. Blue is very competitive and she carries a switchblade.”

 

“That little runt in there? Dick thinks she’s hot.”

 

Adam laughs. “I wouldn’t call her that to her face. And you can tell, uh, Dick, that she’s kind of taken. I think. I’m not really sure. She and Henry have a thing.”

 

Ronan shrugs. “That’s probably fine. Dick thinks he’s hot too.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Everyone’s fluid these days.”

 

“Maybe they’ve hit it off.” Adam grabs Ronan’s hand and leads him back into the bar.

 

*********

 

Later, they step onto an empty subway car, exhausted, happy. Ronan flops down immediately in the nearest seat, but Adam remains standing. He looks down the car toward the far exit. The memory slams into him so hard, he has to grab the steel bar above his head to maintain his balance.

 

“I saw you once.” He points toward the exit. “Over there.” But that was impossible. That was a different train.

 

“When?”

 

Adam sits down next to Ronan and rests his elbows on his knees, burying his head in his hands.

 

“Adam?” Ronan touches the back of Adam’s neck with the tips of his fingers and squeezes lightly. It sends a jolt of electricity through Adam. “Hey. What’s going on?”

 

“There’s something I have to tell you.” Adam tells him everything.

 

The grocery store.

 

The subway.

 

The club.

 

As he tells his story, he gauges Ronan’s reaction, fully expecting him to put some distance between them. But Ronan only moves closer. By the time Adam finishes, he’s pressed tightly against Ronan, thigh to thigh, torsos turned inward toward each other. Ronan’s arm rests across Adam’s shoulder and he traces his fingers up and down Adam’s spine.

 

“Ronan,” Adam says, still getting used to the sound of the name on his tongue. He couldn’t bring himself to say it, for so long, before tonight, before he had the real flesh and blood Ronan back in his life.

 

Ronan looks at him, his blue eyes piercing, and tilts his head forward. Adam can’t resist bringing his hand up to cup Ronan’s face, running his thumb slowly down his cheek and along his jaw. “Ronan,” he says again. “I have thought about you every day since I was sixteen years old.”

 

Ronan smiles, and it’s such a small and soft and beautiful thing, Adam can’t help but crash into him. Their noses bump and the start of a laugh barely escapes Ronan’s lips before Adam covers them with his own. Adam tries to pull away, but Ronan chases after him, nipping at his bottom lip. Adam grips the back of his head, scalp prickly against the palm of his hand, a tingling sensation travels up his arm, urging him to pull Ronan even closer. His lips part and their mouths slot perfectly together. Adam traces Ronan’s upper lip with the tip of his tongue and he opens up even more. They quickly find a rhythm, mouths and lips and tongues moving in tandem, action and reaction, and it’s so good, Adam doesn’t want to stop to breathe. He’d die quite happily right here on this train, kissing Ronan Lynch.

 

It becomes a game of chicken, whoever stops to breathe first loses. Adam wins. Ronan pulls back, eyes closed, and takes a big gulp of air. On the exhale, he lets out a long, drawn out “ _fuuuck_ ” as he nuzzles Adam’s cheek.

 

“I know,” is all Adam can say before he buries his face in Ronan’s neck.

 

They hold each other and kiss until Adam realizes that they should have gotten off the train at least four stops ago. The sky is beginning to lighten when they finally come above ground. They’re still a bit far from Adam’s apartment, but the streets are quiet and the spring air is mild, so they walk, hand in hand. Even that is perfect, the way their hands fit together, the way Ronan strokes his thumb, sending more tingling sensations all throughout Adam’s body.

 

They pause in front of Adam’s apartment building. Adam can feel a satisfied fatigue settling in his bones - the kind that can only be remedied by slipping into clean sheets and pulling a blanket over your head as you smile into the cool side of a pillow. But, as satisfying as that would be, there is a part of him that doesn’t want to let Ronan out of his sight after what happened last time.

 

“Come up?” Adam asks, tentatively. He hopes his tone and his expression convey that he does not want anything more at the moment than to sleep curled up next to Ronan.

 

“Sure, Parrish.”

 

Once upstairs, Adam unpacks a pair of pajama bottoms and a thin t-shirt for Ronan to change into while he’s in the bathroom. They might be a little snug on Ronan, but Adam thinks he can handle the sight of his t-shirt pulling tight across Ronan’s chest and shoulders and arms.

 

When Adam comes out of the bathroom, Ronan has pulled back the covers on the bed, but is still standing next to it. Adam’s premonition about the t-shirt was spot on. He bites back a grin.

 

“What are you waiting for?”

 

Ronan shifts his feet, crosses and uncrosses his arms. Adam can practically read his thoughts through his body language. _It’s your bed. I didn’t know what side you prefer. You might have a favorite pillow. Not without you._

 

Adam takes pity on him and slides between the sheets on his normal side of the bed. Ronan does the same and they both turn to face each other, not touching.

 

“You worked at Boyd’s.”

 

Adam did not expect that. “Yes,” he says, tentatively.

 

“He was my dad’s mechanic. I went with him once and I saw you. You didn’t even know I was there, but I couldn’t stop watching you.”

 

Adam nods, knowing there’s more to the story but not wanting to interrupt Ronan and in case it breaks some kind of spell and he stops talking.

 

“I went back once after he died. Nobody had driven his car in months. It didn’t need maintenance. I was looking for you.”

 

Adam exhales slowly. He wants to reach across the void and touch Ronan, but it doesn’t feel like the right moment.

 

“You were already gone. Moved on to a different life. The idea of you felt so impossible after that. Then I came to the city to visit my brothers and deal with some legal bullshit of my father’s and I recognized you on the subway.”

 

“You ran away.”

 

Ronan huffs at that, like he wants to protest, but knows he can’t. “Fine. I panicked. I was finally in a good place mentally since my dad died. I had a new, growing business and a relationship. In one second of eye contact, I felt the ground shift under my feet again.”

 

Adam reaches out and places a hand on Ronan’s chest. “But not in a bad way.”

 

“I couldn’t tell the difference. To me, at the time, it was as if the universe was telling me I couldn’t have everything at once.”

 

The sentiment is so familiar to Adam that it shakes him to his core. He twists his fist in Ronan’s shirt and uses it as leverage to pull himself into his space. He presses his lips chastely to Ronan’s before tucking his head neatly under his chin. Ronan’s free hand tangles in Adam’s hair before sliding down his spine and settling on his lower back. Adam breathes in and out deeply, taking in Ronan’s smell and touch, never wanting to forget it, never wanting to take it for granted now that he has it. Ronan buries his nose in Adam’s hair and Adam knows that he’s doing the same thing. Adam closes his eyes and before long, he drifts off to sleep.

 

*****

_6 months later…_

 

Adam wakes to dappled sunlight crawling across the sheets and stretches against Ronan’s back, nuzzling his neck. He can’t stop himself from smiling and thinking about how much has changed in such a short period of time.

 

Ronan moans softly and rolls over, enveloping Adam in his arms, pulling him close to his bare chest, eyes still shut tight.

 

Adam grins and tucks his head under Ronan’s chin, pressing his lips to the smooth skin just above his heart. After a couple of minutes, Adam starts to get too warm and too out of breath. “Ronan?” he gasps.

 

“Hmmm,” Ronan mumbles, sleepily.

 

“You’re smothering me.”

 

“Mm not.”

 

“Yes, you are,” Adam says digging his knuckles in between Ronan’s ribs.

 

Ronan yelps and lets him go. “Fuck, Parrish. I’m sleeping.”

 

“Oh like I’m inconveniencing you. I only couldn’t breathe.” He settles back down against Ronan’s chest while Ronan runs a lazy hand up and down Adam’s spine.

 

“Payback.”

 

“For what?”

 

“You take my breath away every single day.”

 

A surprised laugh bursts out of Adam. “Holy shit, Lynch, that is the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Maybe the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard _anyone_ say and I’m friends with Henry Cheng.”

 

Ronan tries to push Adam away, but Adam pushes back and ends up on top of Ronan, laughing and planting kisses up his chest and neck and stubbled jaw until he reaches his lips.

 

“Don’t laugh,” Ronan protests between kisses. “It’s true.”

 

Adam giggles. “Yeah, well I can do better. I love you.”

 

Ronan flutters his eyes open, fully awake now. “Holy shit.”

 

“Not exactly the resp- “ Ronan cuts Adam off by sitting up and gripping the back of his head and pulling him into a deep kiss.

 

“I love you too,” Ronan says, when they pull apart. He lets his hands slide down to Adam’s hips, tugging him closer. “I love you.” He kisses his jaw. “I love you.” He kisses his cheek. “I love you.” He kisses the tip of his nose.

 

Adam laughs again. He shifts in Ronan’s lap, unintentionally grinding against him. He closes his eyes at the sensation spreading through his body.

 

“But…” Ronan says, through gritted teeth.

 

Adam opens his eyes and pulls back. “What?”

 

“I cannot have sex with you again if I do not get something to eat first.”

 

“Are you saying I’m a bad host?”

 

“I’m saying I know there are no groceries in this apartment.”

 

“So let’s go to the store.”

 

Ronan dumps Adam off of him and gets out of bed, waxing poetic about the bacon and eggs and sausage and pancakes he intends to make while pulling on a pair of Adam’s shorts and a tank top. Adam rolls onto his stomach and bunches up the comforter to rest his head on. He can’t seem to wipe the grin off his face as he watches Ronan bustle around his Alexandria apartment.

 

“Come on you lazy fuck.” Ronan throws a t-shirt at Adam’s face. Adam can tell from the smell that it’s Ronan’s. He sits up and pulls it over his head.

 

They walk hand-in-hand to the grocery store a couple of blocks away and fill up a cart with enough breakfast food to feed an army.

 

“How do you want to do this? You want to split the cost?”

 

“I got it, Parrish. You’re putting me up for the weekend. It’s the least I can do.”

 

Ronan breezes through the checkout lane, dumping all of their stuff on the belt and quickly swiping his card. He looks over his shoulder and smirks at Adam.

 

And there he is. It’s like Adam is seeing him for the first time again. The shaved head, the tattoo. The smile is no longer cruel, but it digs deep into Adam’s soul just the same, after all these years.

 

 

  


 

  


 

  


 

  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm @two-of-swords-621 on Tumblr, where asks, messages, likes and reblogs are always welcome. <3
> 
> Title is from the song We Could Leave by Mansionair


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